I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize