i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Actions speak louder than pants.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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