You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
