take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
