ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
