There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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