so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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