So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
