Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
