I want to make a zoo with you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
