I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
