sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dicks are not precious.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
