honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
