its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize