Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
