Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
