I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
