I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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