Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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