Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
