I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
