I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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