While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
