At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
