guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
