wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
