Screwed.edu
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
