You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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