if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
