so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
