This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
