Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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