If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
