I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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