for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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