i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Randomize
