Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
