mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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