ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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