Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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