you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
