Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
