honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
