Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All the doctor said was why
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
