someone owes me an orgasm
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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