I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
