I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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