ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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