just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize