You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
