At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Randomize
