We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
