She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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