i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
