Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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