Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
