Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
