Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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