She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
