I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize