I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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