i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
