I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She even gives head with a lisp.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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