You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
