The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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