My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
