we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
