I want you more than these girls want KFC
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
