community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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