He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize