My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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