this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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