I smell stomach acid.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
