Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
