After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
