just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
