I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
