I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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