Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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