Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
