i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
