I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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